We often make a mistake when we believe that it is our duty to provide and do everything for our children. This mistake causes us to be overly protective, doing everything for them, so that the child finds everything prepared and ready without having to put in effort or expend any energy. This approach is a flawed parenting method and does not reflect love and affection, as some mothers may think. Instead, it reveals that we are raising a lazy, dependent child in every sense of the word.
Many mothers don't realize that there is a principle they should follow when raising their child, a principle that will help them guide their child toward taking responsibility from an early age. In an exclusive interview with "Sayidaty and Your Child," educational consultant Rasha Imam emphasized the key parenting principle that helps children develop responsibility skills from a young age. This means raising an independent child and learning the ways to implement this principle, such as giving them time to carry out tasks and other methods that can help train the child.
What is the Main Principle for Teaching Children Responsibility?
Use a single principle to teach your child to take responsibility from an early age: the principle of balance and moderation. This means that for every task the child is capable of performing, we should let them do it, but we shouldn’t leave the child to do everything on their own without supervision and guidance initially. Instead, they should be directed and observed in the beginning, then gradually given independence to complete the task.
In other words, doing the task for the child is a wrong approach, as is leaving them to do the task without any oversight or guidance. This "balance" principle is one that parents and educators should both adopt because the child has two main educators: the first teacher at home, and the second teacher at school. Both parents and educators must implement this principle so that the child learns responsibility, which helps shape their independent personality, boosts self-confidence, and fosters self-esteem. Over time, the child will adopt the motto: "I can do it, and if I can't, I will try."
Ways to Implement This Principle of Teaching Responsibility Skills
1. Give the Child Time to Complete Tasks
Allow your child to do their own tasks without rushing them to finish, such as preparing their schoolbag, making their bed, or organizing their clothes. Don’t do it for them just because they are slow, or because they might not do it perfectly. Don’t assume that your child hasn’t reached the age where they can manage these tasks independently. Remember, your child is still in the learning phase, and it takes time for them to grow and develop.
Give them time to complete a task. If needed, allow them extra time to ensure they can finish it successfully. Always encourage them and praise them when they do well. However, the time you give should not be criticized or used to label them as lazy or slow. In reality, they are still learning, and it takes time for difficult tasks to become routine and easy.
2. Training and Guiding While Performing Tasks
Once you’ve given them time, help your child learn by training them. For example, when teaching them how to pack their schoolbag, do it in front of them, and walk them through each step. The night before school, help them prepare their schoolbag so they understand the importance of this task. Focus on pointing out errors in a constructive way.
Do not assign tasks to your child without showing them how to do it step by step. You can create a visual guide, such as a checklist on the wall, with images and steps to help them organize their schoolbag, including sorting books, notebooks, and art supplies. Similarly, you can teach them how to set the table, clear it, and even tidy their room by breaking it down into smaller, manageable steps. This method will help train them to perform tasks efficiently and independently.
3. Stop Blaming and Punishing the Child
Stop blaming or punishing the child when they make a mistake while completing a task. Constantly pointing out errors can make them feel like a failure. If they are punished frequently, the child may become discouraged, bored, and frustrated. They might even start to avoid taking responsibility for tasks because they fear criticism or punishment.
Avoid comparing your child to others, especially to siblings or peers. Comparing them is a form of psychological punishment that can negatively affect their self-esteem. Children, even siblings, develop at different rates, and each child has a unique pace when it comes to understanding tasks and learning responsibility. Always keep this in mind before criticizing or comparing your child to others.
4. Practice Patience
Stop acting as the “supervisor” over your child’s every move. It’s essential for parents to practice patience. Accept that your child will make mistakes while learning how to take on responsibility. You cannot expect them to perform every task perfectly the first time. If a child feels like they are constantly being watched or criticized, it can lead to negative results.
Many mothers, in their desire for perfection, might push the child aside and do the task themselves, but this is one of the key reasons why children fail to develop responsibility. This behavior can affect the child’s self-reliance and lead them to become dependent on others. As a result, they may struggle to make decisions in their lives or handle even simple everyday tasks.
Conclusion
Teaching children responsibility is a gradual process that requires patience, guidance, and a balanced approach. Allowing children the space to perform tasks independently, while offering guidance when necessary, fosters their independence and builds their self-confidence. By avoiding overprotection and excessive criticism, and using positive reinforcement, parents can raise responsible, independent individuals who are ready to face life’s challenges and responsibilities with confidence.
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